Dead in the Water
by Anon3599
Summary: So there you were; dead in the water.


**This is just a one-shot of Annie's p.o.v. Hope you like it!**

* * *

 **~Dead in the Water~**

Finnick-

The first time you asked me, it broke my heart.

My bottom lip started trembling, my eyes burned and my chest felt empty. Then I broke down and sobbed in my hands. I remember you stroked my hair and apologised over and over again, telling me you loved me, telling me I was beautiful and strong, that I would pull through it, that I would be able to handle it. I looked up at you and said _don't lie to me, please._ And in that moment, I knew you were holding back the tears.

The second time you asked me, it angered me.

I pushed your arms off me and jumped out of the bed and locked myself in the bathroom. I sat in the shower focusing on my breathing. I rarely felt that emotion, it was kind of strange, I didn't like it. I counted to 5 and took a deep breath, then held it for five, then let it go. I continued the cycle until I felt like I wasn't going to scream at the top of my lungs. I wasn't angry at you, and I know you knew that. I was angry at life, at the situation and the possibility you we're acknowledging.

The third time you asked me, it sent me away.

I closed my eyes and felt my mind snap. One second I'm with you, walking around district 13 and then the next second, I'm with my mum, at the doctors office. I remember feeling anxious about something, like nail biting, can't breathe, heart racing; kind of anxious. When we left the doctors office, I kept expecting the doctors to call my mum, but they called me. What they announced to me, is what I never wanted, ever to hear. It changed everything. I was so afraid of that happening.

The fourth time you asked me, I answered.

"What will you do if I don't come back?"

I hated you asking that question, the question I could never answer, the question that we both knew could happen.

"Look for you." I answered before my mind snapped and sent me away...again. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but that was all I could give you.

* * *

I stared at the door for a few moments when I changed my mind.

I felt panic rise inside of me, I reached for the door knob and bolted out the door. The door that you walked through to you're horrible fait. I never should have let you go. If I had just begged you to stay, told you that going to the Capitol was the stupidest idea in the world, then you would have stayed. You would still be alive.

I ran down corridors screaming your name, but it was too late. The hovercraft had already left. I fell to the ground, I saw small lights in front of my eyes because I couldn't inhale, it was like I forgot to breath. I couldn't breath because you had left, and there was so much we didn't get to do together...start a family... Build a home together... Grow old together.

The night before you left, you asked me to promise you something. You didn't make me, you asked me..

"Can you promise me something?"

I looked up at you from where I was resting my head on your chest, I was practically laying on top of you, my right leg wrapped around your torso and my right hand running across your chest while tracing patterns.

I gave a slight nod, anticipating what you wanted me to promise you.

"Promise me that you'll live a beautiful life, do beautiful things, if - if I don't come back. Do it for me? Please." You said slowly and carefully, tears threatening to stream down your face.

You would think I would say I promise, but what I had done next shocked me.

A spark inside of me ignited, I was confused as why my palm was stinging and your cheek was red. My chest felt so empty, but full with pain at the same time. I started putting two and two together and I realised I just slapt you across the face. You didn't even seem fazed by it.

I jumped out of the bed as soon is I realised what I had done. I kept backing up further and further away from you until I felt the cold, hard wall on my back. I felt so guilty. I wanted to apologise but nothing would come out.

You slowly hoped out of the bed, and cautiously walked toward me, but not because you were afraid I would hurt you, but because you were afraid you would hurt me. I rush over to you, overrun my guilt and wrap my legs around your waist and bury my head in your neck. I apologised over and over again and kissed your now pink cheek. _I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry._

"It was my fault, I know this is a touchy subject for you, I pushed it too far." You said back to me. I felt so stupid. You were leaving the next morning and yet I still couldn't allow you to talk to me about what would happen if you never came back. _I'm so sorry._

* * *

You were gone for 2 days when I found out. I found out that part of the many things that I wanted for us to do together, was coming true. But it also wasn't coming true, because you weren't there with me.

I was pregnant.

When I found out, I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle knowing you were out in war, and I was in District 13, pregnant with your baby. And what hurt the most, is that you never knew. You never knew. You were out there, and you never knew.

What kills me today is..what if I went to the doctors before you left? You would still be here. You would be here, witnessing your baby grow as time goes on.

I sat in our room, sitting in the middle of our bed, thinking of what you were doing that very second. I didn't even know if you were alive or not. _You never knew._

I begged President Coin to allow me to tell you, I begged everyone. They never allowed it, they said it was too dangerous. I just wanted you to hear the wonderful news, you were in a war and I wanted you to hear something that would make you happy. I wanted you to know.. Incase you never returned. I never got the chance.

Don't get me wrong, I had hope you would return, but I knew that a part of you would've died out there in the Capitol, just like a part of me died in the arena, just like every other victor had a part of them die in the arena, the innocent part of us. The part of us that never witnessed murders happening before our very eyes, seeing young children brutally murdered or your district partner be-headed before your very eyes. I had to belive that you would return, I believed for our baby, I needed to belive so that our baby wouldn't grow up without ever knowing their own father.

I couldn't leave our room after I found out the news. My chest felt so hollow and empty because you didn't know that our child was growing inside of me that very second. And you were out there on the battlefield being shot at. And I was sitting on our bed, rubbing my belly, the belly that held our baby. You never found out this wonderful news.

I worried that we would loose this war and what would happen to our child, I knew we both wanted our baby to grow up happy and safe. I now understood why my sister never wanted children. I want our baby to be safe. I didn't want our child to be put into the arena against their will, and we couldn't do anything about it.

* * *

It's now been 2 years since I found out you didn't return. So much has happened, I wished you were here to witness the changes.

We had a bouncing baby boy! He has your eyes. I love that. Even though you aren't here, there is a part of you in our son. I have seen it. His personality is so much like yours that I don't know whether to laugh or cry over it.

I named him Dylan. The name came to me at your funeral. I was watching the sunset at the beach, the beach we would sit on and just loose track of time. The beach where the water made your eyes a different colour of green, I will never forget that colour. On your funeral, I had the decision to choose what I wanted to do with.. You. You may think I'm crazy but I chose to bury you at sea. I wanted your funeral to be... Different? I couldn't stand the thought of having you burried underground... So there you were;

Dead in the water.

That's how I came up with the name Dylan, because Dylan means 'son of the sea' and when the day comes, that Dylan asks about you, I will take him to the beach and explain to him, that his father, you, are like the sea. Everything about the sea reminds me of you, the look of it- the colour of your eyes, the smell- the smell of you, home. The feel of it- the coolness, how you could just float, how soft it felt against your skin. The sound of it- the waves softly brushing up onto the shore, how your voice was so soft to me, it was like velvet.

I know you are going to be so proud of our son. I know you are watching over him. If you asked me today, "what will you do if I don't come back?" I would say... "Look after our baby, let him grow old and have a happy life. I will never leave our child Finnick, I promise you, I will let him have a beautiful life and do beautiful things."

I love you Finnick and I miss you. God do I miss you.

-your Annie

 _I love you I love you I love you._


End file.
